When I'm working on a project, I disappear. I try to remain in the real world, but The Project is almost always on my mind, even when asleep, pulling me, enveloping me. My calendar has been cleared, few new recipes are attempted (my obsession) and laundry and dust balls pile up. I spend hours alone. Even my body becomes invisible to me, as my eyebrows go unplucked. Is this a normal way to live? Quick answer: no. So it makes sense that there is a certain amount of resistance to this "disappearance", before something new is begun. Often I feel as if I'm preparing myself for a long, solitary trip, which I guess I am. Again, awareness is all--awareness of the weird need to tie up all loose ends before disappearing. Awareness of the obsessive preparation. "Stop," I tell myself. "Just begin.".